I realized a year or two ago that my site here and on YouTube both reflect the parts of me that are most angry and afraid and identify as activists; whereas the parts of me that go on with life, keep contributing, making art, being a friend, etc. aren’t as interested in writing about the good parts of my life – they just want to live and catch up on missed time – so my websites don’t reflect the whole of me, only the negative sides.

So, this is my first success in sitting down with my happy alter out to give balance to my story.  Posted just yesterday.

https://youtu.be/dwI8tSDhieE

Yesterday, I was feeling pretty bad again – for the firs time in a while – having a hard time expanding my lungs to take deeper breaths, so I was breathing shallowly and didn’t have much energy.  And had to go to my first day at work on a new job.  Breathe.  Breathe.  Breath.  It was all be okay.

Today, woke up feeling well again.  Grateful.

With awe, respect, and gratitude, I stop in the middle of watching this fine film (award-winning) for the second time to share it with you all and encourage you to watch it too.

http://www.thesacredscience.com/screening_watchnow/

From Charles Bock’s Alice and Oliver (which I heard on NPR’s “Fresh Air” podcast interview with Bock, and stopped it immediately to transcribe this excerpt):

So, okay Goddess, the first day wasn’t so bad.  I need to keep letting go.  Maybe I just need sleep.

Here’s not so bad.  Here is where I am.  Just keep focusing on what I can do in here.  I can write.  I can meditate.  I can draw.  I can knit.  I can paint – in my limited clumsy fashion.  I know that I want to be a clear channel.

The truth is, I’m not miserable.  This little part of me nags, a dog nipping at heels, yipping, wanting me to be sad, wanting me to worry.  Remember:  you’re miserable.  Remember:  This is terrible.

But haven’t I lived with the black box on my chest for so long?  When I’m at my best, which is not often, but sometimes, I know I don’t have to live inside my fear.  I can carry its weight.

I wonder what happens if I open the ribbon to my black box and pull off the lid?  What happens if I put soil inside?  Plant seeds?  Add water, and regular light?

Look at how life has surprised me today, look at all the ways I was taken care of, all the ways I had fun.

~

Last night, I felt seriously electronically attacked with almost-disabling, paranoid thoughts about something I’d previously though positive – my new job!

Sitting still, I attended to how my body felt, and recognized a very clear and powerful frequency moving through my body, which I wasn’t ready to say was necessarily me.

So, while I considered the paranoid thoughts might be true and useful information (but might not), I began praying for clarity while dialing up my brain entrainment app for a calming frequency, put in the earbuds, and felt pretty good about my intentions as I lay down to sleep.

After falling asleep at maybe 10:30, I was awoken by powerful heart palpitations, and I remembered that there was a brain entrainment pattern for calming the heart, so I grabbed my phone and turned it on, and of course, the first thing I saw was the time:  11:11.

For over a decade, I’ve bought into the common assumption that the 11 business is some sort of cool synchonicity, but last Friday I heard a woman say No, it’s part of mind control programming.  Who knows?  But the coincidence of being woken from sleep to see that was freakish.

And then I noticed that my heart wasn’t palpitating anymore, so I left it on “Dreamy Sleep” and went back to sleep with no problem.

Any opinions on the meaning of 11?

Eve Lorgen, author and counselor for those with “anomalous trauma,” offers an online support group now and then.

I’ve always been too afraid to participate, afraid that my stuff was too different, or that I might distrust people in the group, or it wouldn’t do me any good.

Today was the first day I participated in one, and I’m pleased I did.

Coincidentally, I had listened to a radio interview with Dr. John Hall, MD, about  electronic harassment of targeted individuals (which fits the patter of my last 14 years), in which he mentioned the BrainWave binaural brain entrainment system (whopping price of $3.99, an app on iTunes).

I tried it out and had an immediate relaxation response, as if something electrically depressing had been cancelled or dampened.  So I’ve been wearing earbuds now fairly frequently for two and a half days.

(I’m not crazy about the idea of using technology to protect myself – I’d assumed spiritual protection would be all, but I’ve failed and have felt close to death a great deal this last year.  So I’m happy to accept this technological crutch and am thinking of it as a metaphor, that perhaps I might emulate psychically.)

These two and a half days since feeding simple frequencies into my ear canals, I’ve had impressive energy, a positive mood, and focus enough to finish an important task I had not been able to focus on for a year.  Of course, maybe it’s just how I would have felt anyway, but I’m going to give them a thumbs up.  

So, feeling stronger than I have in a long time, I took a job application I’d filled out last December to the business this morning, and was offered a job in the afternoon – for two workdays, just as I wanted, and exactly the situation I asked for.  Law of Attraction?  Working for me??

We know that sometimes everything can seem go against us at once, so it’s good to remember that sometimes everything can go for us too.  And then it’s time to be grateful and go with it.

I’ll talk about other good stuff happening in my next post.

I just happened to buy this book, Guinea Pigs:  Technologies of Control and had it delivered last week.…

and today Eve Lorgen sent this link in her email newsletter – an interview with the author, John Hall, M.D.

The first five minutes is a wonderfully succinct introduction to the subject of organized stalking – much appreciated.

Within the first 15:00, he describes electronic protection I’d never heard of!  Yeah!  I’m going to go look for it next.

At 16:00, he talks about the threat of mental illness diagnosis, and how the medical industry helps cover their tracks by slapping us with false diagnoses.  I know.

Okay, on with the show.  This is a good one.

~

I’m really embarrassed to say this, but in the last five years, I’ve gone to see conventional doctors more times than I want to admit.  Of course, it’s cultural programming to do so, and maybe personal programming besides, because when I find myself in pain or a panic, I know the MD’s are free on Medicaid, while my other healers cost a fair amount and aren’t available like an Urgent Care.  So I have seen MDs quite a few times, it seems ever since a spate of really crazy stuff in 2010, including a weird incident of highway fog and amnesia, a painful bruise that seemed to come suddenly from an electronic beam, and a beam that caused vibration and followed me around the house, leaving me with ears that have rung ever since.

I was just going through my medical files, thinking it would be interesting to correlate my doctor visits with my weird experiences by entering visits and tests into my database of Anomalous Experiences of My Life (over 600 so far).

In hindsight, I always think the doctor visit was unnecessary, but there is something satisfying in thinking I might get help, but more importantly, telling at least a small part of my world, I feel terrible and am seriously frightened.  The system did once provide me a referral to a physical therapist, which was wonderful – but it’s crazy that this huge system must exist, which provides mostly dangerous drugs and surgeries and only occasionally admits – and pays for – non-intrusive healing therapies.

Coincidentally, I needed to call the state Human Services Department to ask why my card shows five charges where last year my charges were zero, especially since I’m earning less than my mortgage and don’t know how I’ll pay my mortgage after next month.

Innumerable recordings, announcements, and menus later, I was told, Yes, indeed, I have co-pays.

The joke is, I don’t even want Medicaid!  All my healing of the past 5 years has come from sitting in the sun, getting exercise, cutting down on sugar, letting myself sleep; extra-dimensional help which just seems to download healings to me, instantaneously, not always when I first need it, but eventually; or from Ayurvedic remedies; etc.

So there’s no reason to worry about any price increases.  I was only curious, and then I got to laugh.  Because, ultimately, I think it’s far better for all of us to go see AMA doctors as little as we can.  So, their ridiculous system of greed might actually be good for all of us.  (Except for those who’ve been made addicted; for them, I’m truly sorry.)  But I’m happy to recognize my own ridiculous going-along-with-the-program, so I can stop it.

Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut, but I told the woman that I was really only curious, and it doesn’t t make any difference to me, because I don’t intend to use conventional American medicine anymore anyway.  So I’m glad they’re being so offensive, to help me wake up and cut off this unpleasant, unjust, and unhealthy relationship.

And so I will.

The next practical step is to review the law around making this Garden Healing Church a legally valid defense against governmental attempts to control my health, so I can remain free to use my own ancient and traditional health care modes as my legal right – without interference and without their stealing my money to pay for what I don’t want.

Hold me to it, okay?

Or help me?  I sometimes have a very hard time with energy.  Today I’ve had a hard time breathing, as though fear has frozen my lungs.  I can pull air in, but it’s a lot of work.  I wonder if I’ve been subject to anything lately?

Laughter made me feel better, but I got serious with the editing again.  And working on the database constricts my lungs too, but I want to do it, so I keep on.

I’ll accept help, and I’ll accept reminders.  Thanks, You All ~

Jean

One of the most important books in the history of psychiatry and natural medicine has just broken through an unprecedented mainstream media blockade, after only one week of intense, 100% organic, grassroots support.

Check it out:  http://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/blacklisted-health-book-soars-ny-times-best-seller-status-grassroots-support