Garden Healing Church

Grateful for Healing in Nature – for all of us mind control subjects


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Help with Rage


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Music to heal a low mood

Ever since he 1980s, I’ve had one song that can bring me out of a low mood.  Sometimes I listen to it over and over, because that’s what I need, and it always eventually works.

th-1.jpgThis morning I purchased it as an mp3 for my portable music:  Chris Williamson’s “Waterfall.”

It starts out soft and slow, so as not to offend my wounded senses when I’m down, and slowly builds with tempo, joy, and some pretty good ideas.

Once I listened to it over and over again for close to an hour.  Never offended even my grouchiest, most cynical selves.

Maybe you’ll like it too:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NWV9UMsACc


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Telling on Others

A letter to friend:

Just wanted to thank you for letting me tell a story I’ve told only to myself and not even on paper (!) until I told you yesterday.  It was a great relief to tell of that experience.

I’m so aware that it’s a violation of the social credo – to tell something shocking about another person – but the event rocked my world, especially those moments when we looked at each other afterward.

Somehow, it seems more real, more able to integrate, to have someone else hear it and not find it impossible or unlikely, but totally understandable, and maybe only a shock and tragedy in the social context, of which I’m a part!

So, I conclude, as I think I did yesterday:  Compassion all around.  No blame to others.  Just realize what I need to realize.  Adapt, and continue to bloom.


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Dealing with Derealization/Depersonalization

pablo amaringo Llullon Llaki SupaiTalking with my new therapist today, I learned the terms depersonalization and derealization – and wondered why and when I’d quit reading self-help books and never followed through with more of it – maybe for the same reason I refused to read books on spirituality for so much of my life:  I didn’t want others’ ideas to influence my perception of reality.

But I guess I became open to others’ opinions again recently, and so I’m seeing someone about my dissociation, and today began learning more of what the professionals think about it.  Funny, because last time I read the professional literature, I found myself critiquing many authors’ methodologies and presumptions, mainly the presumption that there are no forces outside our five senses or that can’t be discovered by inductive reasoning beginning with the limiting “laws” of physics, or rather a reduced, highly conservative version of the laws, excluding quantum physics for no rational, but purely political reasons – discrediting a larger sector of the population.  I had the same experience today – of critiquing professionals’ work – when I briefly read my first two web pages on depersonalization.

Depersonalization is defined by one author as “one of the many symptoms of a panic attack. …a combination of physical sensations, emotions, and thoughts which lead you to feel so disengaged from your surroundings that you wonder whether or not you’re actually in your body. People experiencing this symptom may fear that they’re actually someplace else, watching their body sleepwalk through life while they float around in some kind of spirit world.”

I relate to all of that, though I have fewer episodes of it today and have never experienced it for longer than a minute at a time.  I disagree with the author’s assumption, though, that this is not real; I believe our consciousness can really disengage from our bodies, so this is no delusion.

The author later writes, “However weird it feels, it has nothing to do with “losing control.”

I disagree again.  When, as a young radio journalist, I interviewed a state politician shortly after entering the field, my consciousness went floating up above me in my chair and said things like, “Wow, you’re interviewing [whomever].  I wonder if he can tell how totally flipping out of your gourd you are?  What did I ask?  What is he saying?  How can I ask a follow-up question when I can’t hear what he’s saying, though I see his mouth moving?  When he finishes, I won’t have the faintest idea what to say next.  Can he see my eyes wandering around the room?  Oh, God I can hardly breathe…,” and then I forced myself back into my body to try to finish the interview.  I think he saw something was wrong and carried the ball from there.  Believe me, when your consciousness chooses to leave your body, you do lose control.  Fortunately, I seem to have learned how to keep myself from entering that state in social situations.

The author concluded with decent advice:

“1. Acknowledge and accept the symptom. Remind yourself that it is a source of discomfort, but not danger.

2. Return your attention to the immediate environment, rather than your thoughts of other times and places. Don’t argue with your thoughts, just refocus your attention.

3. Become more actively engaged with the people, activities, and objects immediately around you. Get back into the conversation and activities that the others are involved in. I think you’ll find that the odd feelings lessen as you get more involved in your present surroundings.”

I’d only add a step 3 alternative:  If you don’t want to actively engage with other people right then, don’t.  Leave.  Say polite good-byes if you want, or just duck out, or something in between.  Respect yourself and your immediate needs.  When in a safe place, check in and ask what the panic was about; it’s possible there was a person there whom it would be better for you to avoid, or any other number of reasons, electromagnetic, or anything.  Honor and follow your instincts.  It may be an important part of your healing.  In fact, those who follow the shamanic way depend on sending their consciousness away – to learn things beyond this dimension.

It might not be such a bad thing, maybe our other-worldly wisdom calling us to turn our attention somewhere else.

cropped-patinguina-samai.png


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Healing vs Computer Energy

Greetings to Everyone following the Garden Healing Church (aka MK Healing Church) ~

I want to acknowledge that I have not posted on this site as I expected I would.

therapyInstead, I’ve realized that my wounded parts (whom I’d prefer keep their writing on ParadigmSalon.net instead) are the ones who most like to write; my healthier, happier parts engaged in healing work are not that interested in sitting at the keyboard!

But that leaves me not fulfilling what Good I think I can do given my situation.  I don’t want to only post about my fearful and exasperating experiences; I want to also post about healing.  But when life is going well, I am not interested in sitting in front of the computer.  The computer feels like something to avoid.

10e503bd-f7b6-43c4-a748-71974c54d4e2The result is that I have an online presence that is mostly fearful, irritated, angry, and ready to leave this life.  My “garden presence,” on the other hand, is happy.  But she’s completely uninterested in sitting at the keyboard – unless I tell myself for months that I must create some balance, and then I sit down as I am now and make myself write.

But now that I’m here, I don’t know what to say.  Except maybe this:  the computer, energetically, is not a good place to find healing.  You can find information and, if you’re lucky, hints about coping and healing.  But it’s not, over all, a good place to spend our lives or search for health.  I’m trying to spend less and less time here.

I am also tired of trying to relate to imaginary people around the globe.  I think it’s best for all of us to work, instead, to relate to the real-life people around us in our communities – which is where I hope to spend more of my time and where I hope to offer my knowledge to others – face to face.

imageIf you know me locally, please ask me what I have to share – or specific questions.  If you don’t know me locally, then I hope you will seek out healing connections in your local community.  Connections with people, and with plants, and animals, and stars, and of course your cosmic Helpers.

For these few minutes I can stand to be at this keyboard, that’s the best advice I can give.  Live locally.

And when you do sit down at the computer to search for help (I still do now and then), I hope you’ll find useful items here or on ParadigmSalon.net.

You can also ask for specific help too, of course, and I’ll do my best to respond.  Peace.


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A Petition to: BAN ELECTRONIC WARFARE ON CIVILIANS

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/synergy  This site – and all the people commenting on it – inspired me to comment too, and I ended up writing a short essay that I like and will share here, with a few photos added:

Bombed car sm

After doing media work for the historic “Judi Bari vs FBI” federal trial, in which the feds were found guilty of most charges related to the assassination attempt on Judi Bari, my lifelong mind control torment has been seriously amped up.

IMG_1725I’ve woken with Taser burns, a burn on the back of my neck – both third-degree with skin burned off – scoop marks, injection bruises, “donut” bruises, lacerations and punctures in my vagina, healed scars including one my doctor thought was a thyroid surgery scar, total exhaustion, and occasionally dealings that seemed to be with aliens (which could be induced hallucinations or real).    

After 13 1/2 years of freaking out and being suicidal about my mind control, I’m beginning to see that it’s not a simple horror – it’s actually everything and everywhere.  And it may not be human.  Everything in nature is under control of many things.  Mind control begins with DNA and the elements like weather, then language and our calendar, then economics, laws, education, government, etc.  And eventually science did to people what it’s done to the Earth – turned everything into a resource.  We are human resources; they’ve been honest in calling us that!  We’ve heard it and shrugged.  Now we’re realizing it’s full implications, and it’s shocking.  One more major trauma in the history of humanity.  (Think back:  much of history is trauma.)

Without hope in the other realms, we on Earth have been reduced to resources, regardless that we’ve been led along with lies about freedom, human rights, etc.  If we only have this Earth life in which to hope, then we must toe Their line or be seriously punished.

[Can we tell them (since they’re spying and listening all the time), “Hey, I change my mind.  I’ll quit whistle blowing [or whatever] and join you”? if we’re willing to sacrifice our beliefs for relief (as it seems others must be doing)?  I don’t know.  I’ve gone to that edge and wondered, but haven’t crossed it.]

Mostly, I believe I have Helpers in other realms who rescue or resuscitate me now and then, though I do have to suffer indignities and pain and loss of will to live and sheer energy to live – way more often than I sometimes think I have the spirit to sustain, but then my Helpers bring me back.  (Or might it be the controllers, keeping me alive for another day? I don’t know. I think I’ll chose the more palatable option, my Helpers.)

It’s a weird life to live.  Good thing I know we have other lifetimes, so I can feel less attached to this one.  It helps to step into the role of Witness.  We are witnesses of an incredible time in human history – from the deepest darkest inside, which few see and fully understand, but we do.  There’s something important in our role, as witnesses regarding human evolution.  It’s incredibly lonely because no one wants to hear, but it’s important.  And one day, maybe on another realm, we’ll help others understand how this came about, so we maybe we can help protect the future.  Don’t know.  Playing with ideas.  Imagining from a higher height….

As far as this world right now, though, I’ve quit believing we can change anything through political action – BUT, I know I could be wrong, so I hedge my bets and support causes like this one that encourage us – but I don’t see the possibility in America anymore.  On the other hand, I KNOW we get help from Other Realms – rarely when we think it’s due, but enough.

And that’s another silver lining:  having lost all hope in this Earth insanity, we are forced to cut our emotional connections to Earth life and look beyond.  Atheists, I know, will hate this, but I do appreciate that this pain does send me into other realms where I believe it is important to connect, and I don’t otherwise, as least not as often as would probably be good fore me, because Earth happenings and all the entertainment is way too entrancing.  It’s almost like our mind control tortures us so badly that we are saved from the mainstream soul-deadening delusions of the masses, slowly boiling like frogs in a pot; whereas, we are the frogs that jumped out of our mesmerized complacency, thanks to the extra-high heat.

rf-2nd-ed-front-cover-20[I write and video blog about my life and struggles on Paradigm Salon.net, my other sites, and in my book, RattleSnake Fire, called “not only great literature, but an important historical document.”]

Blessings on us all.  Peace, friends.  Please don’t give up too easily.  Remember this world is bigger and more complicated than we can know; and the bully in our life might be about to get whumped by someone bigger.  We don’t know, but we shouldn’t discount it when the stakes are so high – our life.

Also, leaving this life (as many people entertain, including me) may not be an escape, if the other dimensions are extensions of this, as I believe they are.  So it behooves us to develop our extra-dimensional minds, as the only way to see a bigger picture and have a chance.

At the moment, we are in trauma at the hands of the most Powerful people on Earth; therefore our only salvation is beyond this Earth, where we can’t go, or beyond this dimension, which we can.  I conclude: it’s time to develop our extra-dimensional minds.

pablo amaringo Llullon Llaki Supai

I hope this helps someone.  Compassion for all.


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Calendar for Self-Discovery, Self-Care and Healing

images-1Twenty-one years ago, I decided it would be healthier for me to let go of my hard-driving calendar – the one that helped make me a high-achieving “SuperMom,” according to a major daily Tucson newspaper.  I’d suddenly become not super at all, but disabled, in crisis, unable to cope with the world.

rock creek houseQuitting my intense use of my calendar – as well as moving to the country – helped me be more intuitive, take more time for relaxing, watch more stars, clouds and birds, and let my mind drift into new ways of thinking.

That was fine 21 years ago, but I probably didn’t need to stick to that idea so tightly all these decades!  (Though I occasionally used my calendar intensely when a job demanded it.)

Finally, after 21 years of frustration, of not getting as much done as I’ve thought I should, I decided to create a schedule for myself – not just of work I had to do and errands to run, but of things that are truly important to me.  And I’m astounded at my sense of accomplishment!

I’ve begun sleeping better now that I know that I will go to my bed by 9 pm, and give myself an hour to read or write in my journal or meditate, drinking camomile tea.  I sleep from 10 til almost 6, then give myself another hour to either lie in bed and think about my dreams, or journal, or read more.  At 7, I get up and walk a mile (20 minutes), then sit in the garden with turmeric tea, enjoying the company of the plant life, until 8.  (All these times can sometimes be off by an hour, but that’s okay too.)

The main part of each day of the week, I’ve chosen to take a different focus.  Monday is for time in Nature, either out in the wild or in my own garden; Tuesdays I get to “work” with arts and crafts – which I sell; Wednesdays I sew, also to sell; Thursdays I write my blogs and articles for publication; Fridays I take care of other business like bill-paying and managing my online sites where I sell things; Saturdays are social; Sundays are for reflection.

I encourage you, if you hate your calendar, to try out something like this:  Don’t just include the expectations the world has of you, but the expectations you have for yourself!

On another site last year, I wrote about calendars as part of our cultural mind control.  This is an important practice to reclaim our time, our lives.

Happy healing.  Many blessings.


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Multidimensional Wounding AND Healing

by http://artoftu.deviantart.comI have to confess I’ve been downplaying part of my story.

I’ve been neglecting to share (or minimize sharing) the fact that my strange experiences – that often seem related to mind control and sometimes to “alien” weirdness – are sometimes accompanied by events that seem to be spiritual healings.

This is HUGE.  And I want to explain – if only to myself – why I’ve minimized this fact.

I’ve been hesitant to claim them publicly because, in the context of mind control, it’s confusing to me, because mind control, as I understand it, is done by humans for dark purposes, while healings seem spiritual and positive – and they often seem to be related.

The healings, outside this context, always felt like they might be construed by others as “spiritual bragging,” i.e., I’m so special or so spiritually in tune that spiritual beings granted me this miracle – even when I hadn’t asked!

Uncertain how to overcome these hurdles in my head, I waited, thinking I’d eventually understand, and now years have gone by, and I apologize for minimizing this aspect of my story.

Here are some of the experiences (many described in my book RattleSnake Fire, published in 2008):

energy linesUsually in the evenings, and usually while alone, but not always, I sometimes get a sudden and powerful sensation of energy that seems to pour into me from my head or neck and flow, over the course of maybe 10-30 seconds, down throughout my body.  The sensations feel wonderful, and I’ve described them in various ways – sometimes as healing or clearing, sometimes filling me up and making me feel my cells are enlarging, to such an extent that it seems my vertebrae are spreading apart, lengthening my spine, so that I need to adjust my body to “allow room” for a bigger, taller me!

hulkSometimes I’ve called the energy “the Hulk routine,” because it’s so powerful.  (Remember the Hulk got his power in order to whoop bad guys.)  Indeed, the power has often been so great that I could not resist moving with it, bending forward to make room for the energy flow down my back, my arm and leg muscles also moving with the force.  When someone else was around, if they knew what I was going through, I’d often sheepishly, jokingly indicate what was happening near the end of the process (maybe 30 seconds long) by miming a muscle-man pose – because I couldn’t speak while this was happening.

Sometimes I’ve been frightened by it, as when a friend suggested it might be “a possession.”

Other times, these have been so clearly healing.  Once, while visiting some friends and feeling weirdly energetically distressed, I went alone into the dining room, sat down, and first felt a procession of teenager selves lift off of me and up into another dimension; after looking down and seeing the energetic form of my legs which seemed to be hollow from the knees down, suddenly golden energy poured through me like a golden cascade flowing down into my feet and legs.  I was fascinated because a decade earlier a Rolfer had told me he could see no aura beneath my knees and had begun his work there and continued to work all year to bring energy into them and never told me he succeeded.  I theorized that I must have lost that grounding during the trauma of my teen years, and now the trauma had been finally released (odd place and time, but I accepted!) and the space filled.

These inpourings of energy have been so frequent that I couldn’t begin to count them without going through at least twelve years of journals.

by http://artoftu.deviantart.comAfter my most recent, probably third, heart attack last month, I had two such healing events.  One happened, incongruously – proving that this comes from an outside source, not my own doing or imagination – while watching a video with a friend.  Of course, I was surprised at the timing, but grateful, and didn’t even mention it to my friend.  That night, while lying in bed, drifting off to sleep, I was awakened by the healing energies again.  They were “the usual”:  wonderful, expansive, clearing, and healing.  The next day, after 12 days of extreme weakness, I woke feeling very well, and my 12-day long crisis was passed.

The meaning of this?  I think I know, but don’t want to say.

You, Readers, formulate your own theories.  Don’t get stuck as I have been too long, thinking the horrors are only horrors.  There could be something else at work.

I’ll talk about this more later.

Blessings on you and on us all.


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Experiment in Sound Healing

Song-of-the-New-Earth-5(reposted from ParadigmSalon.net)

Saturday afternoon, after a mild and satisfying week, I watched a video about Tom Kenyon – “Song of the New Earth” – then turned off the computer and sat back to try to “tone” for the first time in years.

didgeridooI’ve had amazing experiences with sound before, most notably when I went to hear Tuvan “throat singers” (shamans from Tuva, Siberia).  I was seated directly in front of one of the didgeridoos, it’s base angled slightly away from me, and throughout the performance I experienced energy knots in my aura explode and dissipate away with the shamans’ sounds.  Subtly, I turned, twisted, and bent to present different aspects of my energy field to the healing vibrations.

At one point in the video, Tom said something like:

“All can learn to use sound to be healers for ourselves and others.”

This, I knew, but I also knew immediately it was for me to embrace now.

When the video ended, I sat, intending to make sounds that simply felt good to me – a welcome change from “simple” meditation, which sometimes is so difficult, trying to keep a half-dozen minds quiet.

Immediately, a tone emerging from me felt like “it,” and I intuitively worked to “send it around” to different places in my head.  On my second toning, I was surprised but pleased, to hear an overtone – the thing that had seemed next to impossible for me, since I’d tried this once many years ago.  But now, my dozens of tonings resulted in two or three overtones every time after the first, and sending sounds to different places in my skull and aura around my head and throat and heart.

A few times, I experienced serious pain in my head and around my eyes, but didn’t think it was necessarily a bad thing.  It lasted a short while, then seemed to “break through” something – an energy block from some old wound, I assumed – and I immediately began exploring new areas, always on the left side of my head.  (The right side always felt open to sound; it’s the left side that’s always where “my stuff” is.)

Eventually, I found I’d not only made three tones at once, but I’d learned to move them around, make them break through blockages, and become more attractively harmonic!

This morning, I practiced toning again with Greg present, and maybe because I felt shy, I didn’t practice long and could only produce a single overtone – but he heard it!  This thing I thought impossible I can do!

stone peopleSomething else in the video excited me immensely!  In “Song for a New Earth,” Tom recounts a story from young adulthood in which he was mystically drawn into another dimension where he encountered strange beings who asked him if he will “sing the song of the new Earth.”

Being whisked into another dimension is a favorite theme of mine, of course – I love it when others share something that helps me understand my own similar “crazy” stuff.  But I was totally unprepared to see an image – drawn by artists, presumably with Tom’s direction – that nearly perfectly depicts the environment of an extra-dimensional encounter I had in 1999.

I was still healing from the shock of remembering, five years earlier, childhood sexual abuse, but I’d not yet understood I’d also been a mind control subject.  I prayed constantly for information that would help me understand my torment, and one day I was offered the opportunity to go into a terrifying place.

red caveI was suddenly at the mouth of a cave that looked nearly identical to the one drawn for Tom Kenyon!  He met an aboriginal man there twirling a fire stick.  In a similar environment,  I spoke with huge bats that seemed to be part of the cave’s dripstone, which in my vision were thicker so that they blocked more of the view inside than this depiction.  One other difference is that the cave felt like the mouth of a living thing.

The bat people emerged from the living columns near the front where they encouraged me to enter and learn everything I wanted to know about what had happened to me – just what I’d been praying for for years.  In wheedling, syrupy tones, they encouraged and terrified me.  18910-050-28F62F41

Inside the cave I imagined – no, felt – a torture chamber or something equally repugnant, from which I might not find it easy or swift to return.  One part of me tested the idea to “be brave” and enter the passage – but I decided to wait for knowledge and turned away.*

Tom-Kenyon-with-Angels-Animation-Drew-ChristieTom, in his vision of the red cave with the aborigine, when asked whether he would sing the Song of the New Earth, answered he didn’t know.  In this life, of course, his answer has been affirmative.

Watching the video, each time he answered that he didn’t know, I answered aloud, excitedly, “Yes!” and “I will!”  Now, I’m curious to learn what it might mean.  

Greg and Jean photoIt may – for me – mean simply more of what Greg and I already do – sing “good” songs – about love, friendship, home, community, nature, and cosmic mysteries, or the song-and-story sets we’re developing, especially my favorite “cosmic” set with songs of extra-dimensional travel and mystery by Bob Dylan, Jackson BrowJacksonBrowne276n, Neil Young, and so many others who write explicitly or hint about  travel and beings in the multi-dimensional cosmos.

gaiajosephinewallOf course, it’s more too.

I’ve long resonated with a vision I once read, of Earth’s humans, cooperative and aggressive, dividing into two dimensions of future Earth, divided according to their vibrations.

Not divided by doctrine, words, which have been used since the beginning of civilization to tell lies, but in vibrations.  Each of us, human, mountain, and star, singing, harmonizing, creating the vibrating river of Song to the New Earth.

~

The rest of my week has been almost uneventful, except for one set of small suspicious wounds where the sun don’t shine and one unhappy personal encounter.  We hosted friends for a small potluck-fire-music party one evening, which I love even though I usually get overwhelmed by the numbers of people and then unsure about myself in bouts, even among friends if there are a few, and more overwhelmed if there are a dozen.  Worse, a stranger arrived with a friend I thought knew better and set off my alarms, distracting me off and on for the entirety of the party.  Despite that, we’re feeling blessed and grateful for the gathering in our home!

I’ve decided to tell guests more clearly not to bring others.  (Help?)

~

* I believe I’ve received enough of that information – in bits and pieces – over the years and, even so, it has often been nearly too much to handle.  Everyone in healing:  We really do need to be careful what we pray for, qualify our prayers [“Thy will be done”], and not push the river.  Psychotic break-downs and suicide can result.  Trust your Helping Spirit Family to guide and pace you in uncovering repressed information.