Garden Healing Church

Grateful for Healing in Nature – for all of us mind control subjects


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Help with Rage


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Music to heal a low mood

Ever since he 1980s, I’ve had one song that can bring me out of a low mood.  Sometimes I listen to it over and over, because that’s what I need, and it always eventually works.

th-1.jpgThis morning I purchased it as an mp3 for my portable music:  Chris Williamson’s “Waterfall.”

It starts out soft and slow, so as not to offend my wounded senses when I’m down, and slowly builds with tempo, joy, and some pretty good ideas.

Once I listened to it over and over again for close to an hour.  Never offended even my grouchiest, most cynical selves.

Maybe you’ll like it too:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NWV9UMsACc


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Telling on Others

A letter to friend:

Just wanted to thank you for letting me tell a story I’ve told only to myself and not even on paper (!) until I told you yesterday.  It was a great relief to tell of that experience.

I’m so aware that it’s a violation of the social credo – to tell something shocking about another person – but the event rocked my world, especially those moments when we looked at each other afterward.

Somehow, it seems more real, more able to integrate, to have someone else hear it and not find it impossible or unlikely, but totally understandable, and maybe only a shock and tragedy in the social context, of which I’m a part!

So, I conclude, as I think I did yesterday:  Compassion all around.  No blame to others.  Just realize what I need to realize.  Adapt, and continue to bloom.


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Dealing with Derealization/Depersonalization

pablo amaringo Llullon Llaki SupaiTalking with my new therapist today, I learned the terms depersonalization and derealization – and wondered why and when I’d quit reading self-help books and never followed through with more of it – maybe for the same reason I refused to read books on spirituality for so much of my life:  I didn’t want others’ ideas to influence my perception of reality.

But I guess I became open to others’ opinions again recently, and so I’m seeing someone about my dissociation, and today began learning more of what the professionals think about it.  Funny, because last time I read the professional literature, I found myself critiquing many authors’ methodologies and presumptions, mainly the presumption that there are no forces outside our five senses or that can’t be discovered by inductive reasoning beginning with the limiting “laws” of physics, or rather a reduced, highly conservative version of the laws, excluding quantum physics for no rational, but purely political reasons – discrediting a larger sector of the population.  I had the same experience today – of critiquing professionals’ work – when I briefly read my first two web pages on depersonalization.

Depersonalization is defined by one author as “one of the many symptoms of a panic attack. …a combination of physical sensations, emotions, and thoughts which lead you to feel so disengaged from your surroundings that you wonder whether or not you’re actually in your body. People experiencing this symptom may fear that they’re actually someplace else, watching their body sleepwalk through life while they float around in some kind of spirit world.”

I relate to all of that, though I have fewer episodes of it today and have never experienced it for longer than a minute at a time.  I disagree with the author’s assumption, though, that this is not real; I believe our consciousness can really disengage from our bodies, so this is no delusion.

The author later writes, “However weird it feels, it has nothing to do with “losing control.”

I disagree again.  When, as a young radio journalist, I interviewed a state politician shortly after entering the field, my consciousness went floating up above me in my chair and said things like, “Wow, you’re interviewing [whomever].  I wonder if he can tell how totally flipping out of your gourd you are?  What did I ask?  What is he saying?  How can I ask a follow-up question when I can’t hear what he’s saying, though I see his mouth moving?  When he finishes, I won’t have the faintest idea what to say next.  Can he see my eyes wandering around the room?  Oh, God I can hardly breathe…,” and then I forced myself back into my body to try to finish the interview.  I think he saw something was wrong and carried the ball from there.  Believe me, when your consciousness chooses to leave your body, you do lose control.  Fortunately, I seem to have learned how to keep myself from entering that state in social situations.

The author concluded with decent advice:

“1. Acknowledge and accept the symptom. Remind yourself that it is a source of discomfort, but not danger.

2. Return your attention to the immediate environment, rather than your thoughts of other times and places. Don’t argue with your thoughts, just refocus your attention.

3. Become more actively engaged with the people, activities, and objects immediately around you. Get back into the conversation and activities that the others are involved in. I think you’ll find that the odd feelings lessen as you get more involved in your present surroundings.”

I’d only add a step 3 alternative:  If you don’t want to actively engage with other people right then, don’t.  Leave.  Say polite good-byes if you want, or just duck out, or something in between.  Respect yourself and your immediate needs.  When in a safe place, check in and ask what the panic was about; it’s possible there was a person there whom it would be better for you to avoid, or any other number of reasons, electromagnetic, or anything.  Honor and follow your instincts.  It may be an important part of your healing.  In fact, those who follow the shamanic way depend on sending their consciousness away – to learn things beyond this dimension.

It might not be such a bad thing, maybe our other-worldly wisdom calling us to turn our attention somewhere else.

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Healing vs Computer Energy

Greetings to Everyone following the Garden Healing Church (aka MK Healing Church) ~

I want to acknowledge that I have not posted on this site as I expected I would.

therapyInstead, I’ve realized that my wounded parts (whom I’d prefer keep their writing on ParadigmSalon.net instead) are the ones who most like to write; my healthier, happier parts engaged in healing work are not that interested in sitting at the keyboard!

But that leaves me not fulfilling what Good I think I can do given my situation.  I don’t want to only post about my fearful and exasperating experiences; I want to also post about healing.  But when life is going well, I am not interested in sitting in front of the computer.  The computer feels like something to avoid.

10e503bd-f7b6-43c4-a748-71974c54d4e2The result is that I have an online presence that is mostly fearful, irritated, angry, and ready to leave this life.  My “garden presence,” on the other hand, is happy.  But she’s completely uninterested in sitting at the keyboard – unless I tell myself for months that I must create some balance, and then I sit down as I am now and make myself write.

But now that I’m here, I don’t know what to say.  Except maybe this:  the computer, energetically, is not a good place to find healing.  You can find information and, if you’re lucky, hints about coping and healing.  But it’s not, over all, a good place to spend our lives or search for health.  I’m trying to spend less and less time here.

I am also tired of trying to relate to imaginary people around the globe.  I think it’s best for all of us to work, instead, to relate to the real-life people around us in our communities – which is where I hope to spend more of my time and where I hope to offer my knowledge to others – face to face.

imageIf you know me locally, please ask me what I have to share – or specific questions.  If you don’t know me locally, then I hope you will seek out healing connections in your local community.  Connections with people, and with plants, and animals, and stars, and of course your cosmic Helpers.

For these few minutes I can stand to be at this keyboard, that’s the best advice I can give.  Live locally.

And when you do sit down at the computer to search for help (I still do now and then), I hope you’ll find useful items here or on ParadigmSalon.net.

You can also ask for specific help too, of course, and I’ll do my best to respond.  Peace.


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A Petition to: BAN ELECTRONIC WARFARE ON CIVILIANS

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/synergy  This site – and all the people commenting on it – inspired me to comment too, and I ended up writing a short essay that I like and will share here, with a few photos added:

Bombed car sm

After doing media work for the historic “Judi Bari vs FBI” federal trial, in which the feds were found guilty of most charges related to the assassination attempt on Judi Bari, my lifelong mind control torment has been seriously amped up.

IMG_1725I’ve woken with Taser burns, a burn on the back of my neck – both third-degree with skin burned off – scoop marks, injection bruises, “donut” bruises, lacerations and punctures in my vagina, healed scars including one my doctor thought was a thyroid surgery scar, total exhaustion, and occasionally dealings that seemed to be with aliens (which could be induced hallucinations or real).    

After 13 1/2 years of freaking out and being suicidal about my mind control, I’m beginning to see that it’s not a simple horror – it’s actually everything and everywhere.  And it may not be human.  Everything in nature is under control of many things.  Mind control begins with DNA and the elements like weather, then language and our calendar, then economics, laws, education, government, etc.  And eventually science did to people what it’s done to the Earth – turned everything into a resource.  We are human resources; they’ve been honest in calling us that!  We’ve heard it and shrugged.  Now we’re realizing it’s full implications, and it’s shocking.  One more major trauma in the history of humanity.  (Think back:  much of history is trauma.)

Without hope in the other realms, we on Earth have been reduced to resources, regardless that we’ve been led along with lies about freedom, human rights, etc.  If we only have this Earth life in which to hope, then we must toe Their line or be seriously punished.

[Can we tell them (since they’re spying and listening all the time), “Hey, I change my mind.  I’ll quit whistle blowing [or whatever] and join you”? if we’re willing to sacrifice our beliefs for relief (as it seems others must be doing)?  I don’t know.  I’ve gone to that edge and wondered, but haven’t crossed it.]

Mostly, I believe I have Helpers in other realms who rescue or resuscitate me now and then, though I do have to suffer indignities and pain and loss of will to live and sheer energy to live – way more often than I sometimes think I have the spirit to sustain, but then my Helpers bring me back.  (Or might it be the controllers, keeping me alive for another day? I don’t know. I think I’ll chose the more palatable option, my Helpers.)

It’s a weird life to live.  Good thing I know we have other lifetimes, so I can feel less attached to this one.  It helps to step into the role of Witness.  We are witnesses of an incredible time in human history – from the deepest darkest inside, which few see and fully understand, but we do.  There’s something important in our role, as witnesses regarding human evolution.  It’s incredibly lonely because no one wants to hear, but it’s important.  And one day, maybe on another realm, we’ll help others understand how this came about, so we maybe we can help protect the future.  Don’t know.  Playing with ideas.  Imagining from a higher height….

As far as this world right now, though, I’ve quit believing we can change anything through political action – BUT, I know I could be wrong, so I hedge my bets and support causes like this one that encourage us – but I don’t see the possibility in America anymore.  On the other hand, I KNOW we get help from Other Realms – rarely when we think it’s due, but enough.

And that’s another silver lining:  having lost all hope in this Earth insanity, we are forced to cut our emotional connections to Earth life and look beyond.  Atheists, I know, will hate this, but I do appreciate that this pain does send me into other realms where I believe it is important to connect, and I don’t otherwise, as least not as often as would probably be good fore me, because Earth happenings and all the entertainment is way too entrancing.  It’s almost like our mind control tortures us so badly that we are saved from the mainstream soul-deadening delusions of the masses, slowly boiling like frogs in a pot; whereas, we are the frogs that jumped out of our mesmerized complacency, thanks to the extra-high heat.

rf-2nd-ed-front-cover-20[I write and video blog about my life and struggles on Paradigm Salon.net, my other sites, and in my book, RattleSnake Fire, called “not only great literature, but an important historical document.”]

Blessings on us all.  Peace, friends.  Please don’t give up too easily.  Remember this world is bigger and more complicated than we can know; and the bully in our life might be about to get whumped by someone bigger.  We don’t know, but we shouldn’t discount it when the stakes are so high – our life.

Also, leaving this life (as many people entertain, including me) may not be an escape, if the other dimensions are extensions of this, as I believe they are.  So it behooves us to develop our extra-dimensional minds, as the only way to see a bigger picture and have a chance.

At the moment, we are in trauma at the hands of the most Powerful people on Earth; therefore our only salvation is beyond this Earth, where we can’t go, or beyond this dimension, which we can.  I conclude: it’s time to develop our extra-dimensional minds.

pablo amaringo Llullon Llaki Supai

I hope this helps someone.  Compassion for all.