1957 movie starring Joanne Woodward and Lee J Cobb

I just decided I will never again begin my story by calling myself multiple.

Technically, I believe I am – but I am very different from a “natural” multiple; I am a created multiple, and there’s a HUGE difference.

My alters (alternate personalities) do not (usually) switch spontaneously, and they are not extreme personalities representing personal repressed urges; rather, they are carefully designed “programs” which come out (usually) only on command, therefore my life does not display the crazy experiences of the multiple that’s been presented lately by the media, such as, for instance, the Netflix show I tried to watch the other day, The United States of Tara.  The show embarrassed me terribly because I guess it’s what most people think all multiples are.

But created multiples are very tame, even normal, in their social and work lives – as that serves the Controllers’ purpose perfectly.  For instance, I have never received any feedback from anyone that I have remarkable changes in personality beyond the common mood changes that everyone has under normal or even stressful conditions.  If I do switch, it’s not so dramatic that anyone has ever remarked on it – even after years of posting publicly and inviting comment and feedback on this in particular.  On the contrary, employers and other people have usually responded to me as though they perceive me as a trustworthy, talented, and dependable person (until lately – another story). Therefore, I assume I “present” to the world as fairly normal, or acceptable.

When I have acted like a multiple in public has been only a few times since grade school.  And those were all times of extreme stress, such as when a stranger was trying to break down my door, and I suddenly behaved as though I had martial arts training (I guess one of my alters has), in particular in using a knife to kill.  I was ready, bouncing on my toes, gauging where he’d fall when the door broke, bouncing the big knife in my hand, and imagining how I would arc it up under his rib cage with force!  Thank Goodness the guy didn’t get in.

The times I feel multiple most often – very often, actually – are when I’m home alone or with someone who’s also controlled.  And then I don’t do anything surprising; rather, I simply perceive things: sometimes I’ve perceived two alters looking at each other, or I feel as though someone is downloading information into my brain.  I’ve woken with bruises, burns, and other weird marks on my body (hundreds), and woken up in such absolute exhaustion that getting out of bed was extremely difficult and I didn’t recover for more than a day.  Sometimes I hear tones in my head which either wake me from sleep or put me to sleep or don’t seem to do anything I can explain.

All these experiences support the theory held by many that some of us have been mind controlled and continue to be at least monitored, but probably also used for whatever Top Secret projects our programming was created for – which is done under amnesia, so I have absolutely no memories other than the accidental slips, like the martial arts slip to save my life.

The result of it all is that I have a fairly cohesive functioning, sometimes awkward but good enough to survive, maintaining a decent front – most important – hiding an unknown number of secret alters that I don’t know anything about except, theoretically, that they serve the Controllers – at night, when no one else is around.

Because my programming was based on what the Controllers learned from multiple personality, and they used those mental defense mechanisms, my body/mind learned them too on a subconscious level – and sometimes I have “naturally” split off alters during extreme stress, such as being raped – therefore, I have another layer of alters that are “natural” rather than programmed.  And these alters do cause me a bit of memory issues, and sometimes slowness in social situations (slow because my mind is bouncing between different points of view), but those issues are minor compared with the nighttime events directed by Controllers.

When I’m with other people, the Controllers keep quiet, and I can lead a normal life.  At home, alone, or with another person who can be controlled, the Controllers may at any time, certainly without notice to me, call out the alters who hide during the day.

So I have a private life that can be highjacked anytime and leave me exhausted, with wounds, and in need of recovery time, but during the day, and with friends and family, no one is out but “me” – or a few of my naturally created, but not flamboyant, alters.  [As always, if anyone has witnessed different, I’m waiting to learn about it.  Please tell me!  And I’ll adjust my theory here.]

The new language I want to use instead of “multiple” will not really be new, it’ll be simply “mind controlled.”  Because the common image of multiples just doesn’t match my life – which is tame and boring compared to Tara.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZkkHhyWFus&feature=em-uploademail

I love this portrayal of Nikola Tesla – as so from somewhere else, in his perceptions and strange ways – not caring about money, telling the truth even when it’s rude, sorta like Mork only Tesla’s truths weren’t being played for comedy, and they offended powerful men’s egos and threatened the capitalist control of energy, so that was the end of Tesla.

(All the ways Tesla is weird, I totally feel for.)

Made in 1980 in Croatia with suspense soundtrack – c to a great movie experience!

With Orson Welles as J.P Morgan.

Paul Levy is a fascinating author, delving both philosophically and personally into territory so interesting and critical to those of us dealing with things that feel EVIL in the extreme.

I’ll admit that there are times when I wonder if this is extremely clever disinformation, philosophy leading us toward “no judgement” of what we want to call evil.  But in the end, I feel comfortable that he’s actually articulated a philosophical basis for what I have been doing intuitively.  I’m still musing….

And I’d love to hear all your comments!

Good to remember …

I think I’ll take down this site.  Even if it helps people, or we think it does, it might also further tether that person to the computer as if it’s the source of Help.

Our Source is outside, and inside, but… not in the screen, except occasionally, if we’re lucky.

Let’s go to our communities of friends, plants, animals, and Others.

Bye ~

Yesterday’s post was accidental – I meant to do more editing first.

Having made the mistake, I stayed up late last night to edit more of this site and re-edit my Spiritual History of mind control, secret societies, shamanic initiation, and so much more.  

If you haven’t read it in awhile, it’s a mind-blowing story – to me and everyone else who’s told me they read it.  Now it’s better written, a tighter synopsis of my 258-page book, here in just a few pages.

If your spiritual life is also beyond your best reckoning/rationality, let’s compare stories, loosen the cultural strictures, expand our minds, and see what we might learn together about our amazing, and sometimes terrifying, multi-dimensional world:

https://gardenhealingchurch.org/jean/spiritual-history/

I apologize that my site has remained in “rough draft” condition for so long!  Today, I rewrote a number of pages, some of them significantly.

I was also (immodestly) impressed by the information I’ve gathered here – and I want to invite you to spend a little time to re-read some of the pages.  They are easier to read now, with streamlined language and some great art, if I say so myself!

I also welcome comments on how to improve this site and help me provide what would be most useful.  More sets of eyes and feedback will be much appreciated!

One of the pages I rewrote this evening is the page about myself:

I never wanted to be a “minister” particularly, though the word only means servant, and that’s what my life has been about, as I’ve worked to create peace, social justice, community radio stations, educate on domestic violence, environmental sustainability, etc.

I pursued a ministry certificate purely because it was recommended when I became a Transpersonal Hypnotherapist  in 2006, to provide legal protection while practicing the skill in a slow-moving state that hasn’t developed protocols for certifying practitioners yet.

I am also a recovering mind control subject (probably MKULTRA), a multiple-personality-in-healing, an award-winning journalist and author, business consultant, public speaker, Permaculture designer, and shamanic practitioner.

As I’ve healed aspects of my multiple personality disorder in the last two decades, I’ve lost much of my super-productivity, but gained peace, relieved health issues, fulfilled artistic inclinations, developed a sense of humor, increased social skills, and attracted more friends than ever in my life.

I still have events in which I struggle for hope to stay alive, and want to encourage others that, despite difficult spells, there is hope.

My psychic abilities, clear to me since childhood, may have been the reason I was chosen as a MK subject (a theory reported by others) and/or it may have been enhanced by mind control.  (The original Nazi MK experimenters were very involved in dark spiritualism and were interested in the psychic abilities in their subjects.)

At age 19, in 1971, I had an experience in which I felt I “knew Jesus in my bones” and have continued to feel his presence throughout my life, sometimes in miraculous ways, even after decades of calling myself an atheist, pagan, pantheist, animist, shamanic practitioner, etc.

At age 42, in 1994, having moved to a desert hermitage, I began to see the Mystery in a way that led me into shamanic practice, which involved connecting with multi-dimensional Helpers, travel in other dimensions, past-life recollections, communications with the deceased, healings, and more.  

In February 2014, I was newly moved by Martin Luther King‘s ministry, and the conjunction of both his religious and activist work.

Suddenly I saw the parallel between Civil Rights movement and the yet-unimagined fight for the rights of MK subjects, and felt I was finally close to taking up activism again, in the service of freedom for mind control subjects.

I next learned about Black Elk‘s early spiritual experiences, how he kept them a secret from everyone, and so “demons” wouldn’t leave him alone, and he became isolated, and his tribe thought him “angry and strange.”  Eventually, he told his experiences to the elders, and they recognized his situation:  the demons would continue to hound him until he accepted his calling.

Dark forces seem to have been dogging my life since childhood, but they seemed to be getting more aggressive in the last few years, sabotaging even beloved endeavors.  Immediately, I knew that I’d known I was called to do something more difficult than the other activities I’d chosen, but I simply didn’t want to do it.  I’d tried, and thought I’d failed.  So I had given up.

The work I’d felt called to do was to speak out about the plight of MK subjects – slaves if any are – and our human rights and religious freedom rights to heal ourselves.

And the right to speak about experiences in other dimensions without being called delusional and being medicated or locked up.

When the shamanic experiences began, like it or not, they included UFOs and aliens – just like mystics have throughout time.

After reading about Black Elk, I renewed my vows to serve our human and Earth community, regardless that I didn’t want to step forward with ridiculed themes of mind control and a highly- and weirdly-populated cosmos.

I’ve been slow (extremely cautious) in determining the best direction for this work, but the energies are still stirring….

I pray this site is a place to protect and expand our healing options, while providing specific help for healing on our often lonely paths.

More about my life of writing, activism, consulting, art, and more can be found at jeaneisenhower.com.  My Spiritual History is here.

“… I remain left with two understandings:

Always on the lookout for help for myself and others, I subscribe to a lot of blogs and today one came through that struck a chord.

(Perhaps the whole thing needn’t be read, as it’s directed to clinicians, but here it is: http://ayearinthelifeofptsd.com/2015/06/14/to-every-clinician-with-ptsd-and-did-clients/)

The point, for me, is that we DID/Multiple/PTSD folks are terribly isolated, and we need to work hard to change that fact.

While I’ve learned how to act somewhat “normal” when I choose to go out and socialize, that doesn’t make me feel less isolated.  Sometimes I feel more isolated afterward, because all the nice “connections” were with people connecting with the false front I construct.

Very few people know the struggles of my everyday life, probably because I’m “high-functioning.”  Well, if I am, then I ought to use my gifts to organize for others what we all need.

What we need are support groups.  These are, of course, not a new idea at all, but there are very few for people with DID and PTSD – who aren’t veterans.

So I’m setting an intention right now to create a support group in my local community.  If you live local to me, please let me know if you’re interested.  Your interest will help me keep the intention alive, and we’ll get going asap.

If you live elsewhere, perhaps you can start a group or ask a therapist to help you get one started or to start one for you.

Time to reclaim as much power as we can.

Strength, love, and blessings to us all.

Jean

PS  Legally, any group can get together for support without a counselor, though a counselor can be highly useful.  I’m not a certified clinician in New Mexico, but I am a minister which gives me counseling rights, and I may renew my Transpersonal Hypnotherapy certificate to double my legal credentials for convening a group.  Having been in a sexual abuse support group 20 years ago, and different sorts of therapy off-and-on for much of my life, I’ve discovered I have a lot to offer friends in healing crises – as do we all, I suspect – at least a compassionate heart.  Not to over-imagine our capabilities, of course, but as humans with heart, we do have a lot to offer each other.

Perhaps someone might want to weigh in on some of the legal concerns?  (I’m well aware that as a minister and certified hypnotherapist, I have more responsibilities than others, which I won’t bog down this blog with, and which I will review carefully before beginning – but comments along this line, even warnings, are welcome.)