Eve Lorgen, author and counselor for those with “anomalous trauma,” offers an online support group now and then.

I’ve always been too afraid to participate, afraid that my stuff was too different, or that I might distrust people in the group, or it wouldn’t do me any good.

Today was the first day I participated in one, and I’m pleased I did.

Coincidentally, I had listened to a radio interview with Dr. John Hall, MD, about  electronic harassment of targeted individuals (which fits the patter of my last 14 years), in which he mentioned the BrainWave binaural brain entrainment system (whopping price of $3.99, an app on iTunes).

I tried it out and had an immediate relaxation response, as if something electrically depressing had been cancelled or dampened.  So I’ve been wearing earbuds now fairly frequently for two and a half days.

(I’m not crazy about the idea of using technology to protect myself – I’d assumed spiritual protection would be all, but I’ve failed and have felt close to death a great deal this last year.  So I’m happy to accept this technological crutch and am thinking of it as a metaphor, that perhaps I might emulate psychically.)

These two and a half days since feeding simple frequencies into my ear canals, I’ve had impressive energy, a positive mood, and focus enough to finish an important task I had not been able to focus on for a year.  Of course, maybe it’s just how I would have felt anyway, but I’m going to give them a thumbs up.  

So, feeling stronger than I have in a long time, I took a job application I’d filled out last December to the business this morning, and was offered a job in the afternoon – for two workdays, just as I wanted, and exactly the situation I asked for.  Law of Attraction?  Working for me??

We know that sometimes everything can seem go against us at once, so it’s good to remember that sometimes everything can go for us too.  And then it’s time to be grateful and go with it.

I’ll talk about other good stuff happening in my next post.

I just happened to buy this book, Guinea Pigs:  Technologies of Control and had it delivered last week.…

and today Eve Lorgen sent this link in her email newsletter – an interview with the author, John Hall, M.D.

The first five minutes is a wonderfully succinct introduction to the subject of organized stalking – much appreciated.

Within the first 15:00, he describes electronic protection I’d never heard of!  Yeah!  I’m going to go look for it next.

At 16:00, he talks about the threat of mental illness diagnosis, and how the medical industry helps cover their tracks by slapping us with false diagnoses.  I know.

Okay, on with the show.  This is a good one.

~

I’m really embarrassed to say this, but in the last five years, I’ve gone to see conventional doctors more times than I want to admit.  Of course, it’s cultural programming to do so, and maybe personal programming besides, because when I find myself in pain or a panic, I know the MD’s are free on Medicaid, while my other healers cost a fair amount and aren’t available like an Urgent Care.  So I have seen MDs quite a few times, it seems ever since a spate of really crazy stuff in 2010, including a weird incident of highway fog and amnesia, a painful bruise that seemed to come suddenly from an electronic beam, and a beam that caused vibration and followed me around the house, leaving me with ears that have rung ever since.

I was just going through my medical files, thinking it would be interesting to correlate my doctor visits with my weird experiences by entering visits and tests into my database of Anomalous Experiences of My Life (over 600 so far).

In hindsight, I always think the doctor visit was unnecessary, but there is something satisfying in thinking I might get help, but more importantly, telling at least a small part of my world, I feel terrible and am seriously frightened.  The system did once provide me a referral to a physical therapist, which was wonderful – but it’s crazy that this huge system must exist, which provides mostly dangerous drugs and surgeries and only occasionally admits – and pays for – non-intrusive healing therapies.

Coincidentally, I needed to call the state Human Services Department to ask why my card shows five charges where last year my charges were zero, especially since I’m earning less than my mortgage and don’t know how I’ll pay my mortgage after next month.

Innumerable recordings, announcements, and menus later, I was told, Yes, indeed, I have co-pays.

The joke is, I don’t even want Medicaid!  All my healing of the past 5 years has come from sitting in the sun, getting exercise, cutting down on sugar, letting myself sleep; extra-dimensional help which just seems to download healings to me, instantaneously, not always when I first need it, but eventually; or from Ayurvedic remedies; etc.

So there’s no reason to worry about any price increases.  I was only curious, and then I got to laugh.  Because, ultimately, I think it’s far better for all of us to go see AMA doctors as little as we can.  So, their ridiculous system of greed might actually be good for all of us.  (Except for those who’ve been made addicted; for them, I’m truly sorry.)  But I’m happy to recognize my own ridiculous going-along-with-the-program, so I can stop it.

Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut, but I told the woman that I was really only curious, and it doesn’t t make any difference to me, because I don’t intend to use conventional American medicine anymore anyway.  So I’m glad they’re being so offensive, to help me wake up and cut off this unpleasant, unjust, and unhealthy relationship.

And so I will.

The next practical step is to review the law around making this Garden Healing Church a legally valid defense against governmental attempts to control my health, so I can remain free to use my own ancient and traditional health care modes as my legal right – without interference and without their stealing my money to pay for what I don’t want.

Hold me to it, okay?

Or help me?  I sometimes have a very hard time with energy.  Today I’ve had a hard time breathing, as though fear has frozen my lungs.  I can pull air in, but it’s a lot of work.  I wonder if I’ve been subject to anything lately?

Laughter made me feel better, but I got serious with the editing again.  And working on the database constricts my lungs too, but I want to do it, so I keep on.

I’ll accept help, and I’ll accept reminders.  Thanks, You All ~

Jean

One of the most important books in the history of psychiatry and natural medicine has just broken through an unprecedented mainstream media blockade, after only one week of intense, 100% organic, grassroots support.

Check it out:  http://www.greenmedinfo.com/blog/blacklisted-health-book-soars-ny-times-best-seller-status-grassroots-support

I love NPR’s This American Life, though I had fallen out of the habit until I recently decided to follow the podcast.

This one really hit me powerfully.  You’ll understand why:

http://m.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/581/anatomy-of-doubt

Healing sometimes requires looking into the darkness first, to learn.  If this seems right for you, check it out:

1957 movie starring Joanne Woodward and Lee J Cobb

I just decided I will never again begin my story by calling myself multiple.

Technically, I believe I am – but I am very different from a “natural” multiple; I am a created multiple, and there’s a HUGE difference.

My alters (alternate personalities) do not (usually) switch spontaneously, and they are not extreme personalities representing personal repressed urges; rather, they are carefully designed “programs” which come out (usually) only on command, therefore my life does not display the crazy experiences of the multiple that’s been presented lately by the media, such as, for instance, the Netflix show I tried to watch the other day, The United States of Tara.  The show embarrassed me terribly because I guess it’s what most people think all multiples are.

But created multiples are very tame, even normal, in their social and work lives – as that serves the Controllers’ purpose perfectly.  For instance, I have never received any feedback from anyone that I have remarkable changes in personality beyond the common mood changes that everyone has under normal or even stressful conditions.  If I do switch, it’s not so dramatic that anyone has ever remarked on it – even after years of posting publicly and inviting comment and feedback on this in particular.  On the contrary, employers and other people have usually responded to me as though they perceive me as a trustworthy, talented, and dependable person (until lately – another story). Therefore, I assume I “present” to the world as fairly normal, or acceptable.

When I have acted like a multiple in public has been only a few times since grade school.  And those were all times of extreme stress, such as when a stranger was trying to break down my door, and I suddenly behaved as though I had martial arts training (I guess one of my alters has), in particular in using a knife to kill.  I was ready, bouncing on my toes, gauging where he’d fall when the door broke, bouncing the big knife in my hand, and imagining how I would arc it up under his rib cage with force!  Thank Goodness the guy didn’t get in.

The times I feel multiple most often – very often, actually – are when I’m home alone or with someone who’s also controlled.  And then I don’t do anything surprising; rather, I simply perceive things: sometimes I’ve perceived two alters looking at each other, or I feel as though someone is downloading information into my brain.  I’ve woken with bruises, burns, and other weird marks on my body (hundreds), and woken up in such absolute exhaustion that getting out of bed was extremely difficult and I didn’t recover for more than a day.  Sometimes I hear tones in my head which either wake me from sleep or put me to sleep or don’t seem to do anything I can explain.

All these experiences support the theory held by many that some of us have been mind controlled and continue to be at least monitored, but probably also used for whatever Top Secret projects our programming was created for – which is done under amnesia, so I have absolutely no memories other than the accidental slips, like the martial arts slip to save my life.

The result of it all is that I have a fairly cohesive functioning, sometimes awkward but good enough to survive, maintaining a decent front – most important – hiding an unknown number of secret alters that I don’t know anything about except, theoretically, that they serve the Controllers – at night, when no one else is around.

Because my programming was based on what the Controllers learned from multiple personality, and they used those mental defense mechanisms, my body/mind learned them too on a subconscious level – and sometimes I have “naturally” split off alters during extreme stress, such as being raped – therefore, I have another layer of alters that are “natural” rather than programmed.  And these alters do cause me a bit of memory issues, and sometimes slowness in social situations (slow because my mind is bouncing between different points of view), but those issues are minor compared with the nighttime events directed by Controllers.

When I’m with other people, the Controllers keep quiet, and I can lead a normal life.  At home, alone, or with another person who can be controlled, the Controllers may at any time, certainly without notice to me, call out the alters who hide during the day.

So I have a private life that can be highjacked anytime and leave me exhausted, with wounds, and in need of recovery time, but during the day, and with friends and family, no one is out but “me” – or a few of my naturally created, but not flamboyant, alters.  [As always, if anyone has witnessed different, I’m waiting to learn about it.  Please tell me!  And I’ll adjust my theory here.]

The new language I want to use instead of “multiple” will not really be new, it’ll be simply “mind controlled.”  Because the common image of multiples just doesn’t match my life – which is tame and boring compared to Tara.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZkkHhyWFus&feature=em-uploademail

I love this portrayal of Nikola Tesla – as so from somewhere else, in his perceptions and strange ways – not caring about money, telling the truth even when it’s rude, sorta like Mork only Tesla’s truths weren’t being played for comedy, and they offended powerful men’s egos and threatened the capitalist control of energy, so that was the end of Tesla.

(All the ways Tesla is weird, I totally feel for.)

Made in 1980 in Croatia with suspense soundtrack – c to a great movie experience!

With Orson Welles as J.P Morgan.