Garden Healing Church

Grateful for Healing in Nature – for all of us mind control subjects


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Current Day Abuse – When Dissociative Survivors are Trapped, Owned, and Exploited as Adults

Photo credit: TheLionProject.org and www.beforeitsnews.com

This is re-posted from Discussion Dissociation, the exact page here:
http://discussingdissociation.com/2009/02/10/current-day-abuse-%E2%80%93-when-dissociative-survivors-are-trapped-owned-and-exploited-as-adults/

Below is the blog in full, except for a video which you can view on Kathy’s site, at the link above.

Dissociative Identity Disorder is created from severe, chronic child abuse, but does that abuse automatically stop in childhood?

Unfortunately, no, it does not.

All too many survivors continue to be trapped in abusive environments long after their childhood has ended.  Sometimes this abuse continues with the same family-related perpetrators that abused the survivor all throughout the childhood years.  For example, far too many adult children of creepy-fathers are still being sexually abused into adulthood.

Creepy-fathers don’t necessarily stop being sex offenders just because their children get older.  These lifelong predators already know how to manipulate your dissociative system, and they will continue to “call out” and dominate the child parts that they controlled for all the years previous.  The child parts don’t necessarily realize that they are in an adult body, or that years of time have passed, so it still feels like more of the same to them.

Typically, in situations such as these, the dissociative walls that separate those abused child parts and the adult host can still be locked solidly in place, allowing no seepage of information to pass through.  The adult DID survivor may not have any conscious awareness that they are still being abused in this way.

This strong photo was found at http://shaylinjanelle.tumblr.com/page/2

Scary.
And sad.
But true, far too often.

Sometimes, the ongoing abuse is more organized than in-home family abuse.  The sex slave industries can use, own, control, sell, and exploit dissociative survivors for many years.

Slavery didn’t end with the Civil War – it just became more hidden.

One of the current ways that slavery still exists — even in 2009 — is through the entrapment of the dissociative population.   Various prostitution / pornography organizations can “own” and exploit survivors by using physical violence, emotional blackmail, drugs, mind control techniques, and dissociation as means to maintain their power and control.  Extricating these dissociative prisoners from these organized predators is a complicated and complex process, but possible nonetheless.

Dark side. Light side. What are you blocking out? This powerful image found at http://shaylinjanelle.tumblr.com/page/2 .

Adult trauma survivors with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) have had years upon years of experience managing severe trauma while simultaneously blocking themselves off from the reality of that trauma.   Dissociative walls can provide an element of amnesia that both protects the person from the overwhelming crushing awareness of ongoing abuse, but also traps the survivor in an ongoing continuation of that abuse.

If dissociative survivors have current-day chunks of missing time blocked from their awareness, they cannot know what happened to them, but they also cannot remove themselves or protect themselves from the ongoing trauma and abuse.  Without effective therapy and treatment, they also cannot remember or control the fact that they could be handing over their children to be used in the same abusive ways by the very same perpetrator groups.

Unfortunately, we all know that the kiddie porn industry is alive and well.

Dissociative survivors that grew up being used and sold within the kiddie porn industry are at a higher risk of continuing to be owned by, and forced to work for that industry even as adults.

This powerful photo of emotional pain and inner turmoil was taken by ShaylinJanelle photography. http://shaylinjanelle.tumblr.com

When DID survivors are involved in current day abuse, it is imperative to break down the amnesiac walls created through dissociative processes.  The survivors have to have the courage to look at what they are involved with, and then have even more courage to problem-solve their way out.

Dissociative survivors trapped in other kinds of family violence and domestic violence are vulnerable in these same ways.

Trauma therapists must be aware of these possibilities so they can actively work with the dissociative population in order to assist them to gain freedom from ongoing abuse.  Therapy with a strong emphasis on increasing internal communication and lowering amnesiac barriers is essential.

Therapists need to use basic good trauma therapy while doing this work. Listen closely to the inside parts, help sooth the pain, create both internal and external safety, reconnect the isolated parts with the rest of the system, address the concerns raised by those internal parts in all the normal ways, etc.  Many of the very same processes that work to help heal “regular abuse” continue to be effective in addressing more extreme abuses.

***  To all dissociative survivors —
You don’t have to stay stuck in the abuse cycles.  If youDon't Go Back are able to read this post, you are able to do the work it takes to remove yourself from any ongoing abuse that you are tangled in.    Of course, your perpetrators won’t tell you that you can get out, but you can get out and away from them anyway.  You are older, wiser, and stronger than you were when you were just a child.  You can find ways that will work for you, you can find  safe people to help you, and you can be safe.  Talk lots and lots to your inside people – it’s only as you work together as a team that you can beat the external controls.  It takes a lot of hard work, but if you all really want to be free from abuse and safe from harm, you can be.  It can happen.

Warmly,

Kathy


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What a Shaman Sees in A Mental Hospital

Shamanfrom http://www.wakingtimes.com/2014/08/22/
shaman-sees-mental-hospital/

Stephanie Marohn with Malidoma Patrice Somé
Waking Times

The Shamanic View of Mental Illness

In the shamanic view, mental illness signals “the birth of a healer,” explains Malidoma Patrice Somé. Thus, mental disorders are spiritual emergencies, spiritual crises, and need to be regarded as such to aid the healer in being born.

What those in the West view as mental illness, the Dagara people regard as “good news from the other world.” The person going through the crisis has been chosen as a medium for a message to the community that needs to be communicated from the spirit realm. “Mental disorder, behavioral disorder of all kinds, signal the fact that two obviously incompatible energies have merged into the same field,” says Dr. Somé. These disturbances result when the person does not get assistance in dealing with the presence of the energy from the spirit realm.

One of the things Dr. Somé encountered when he first came to the United States in 1980 for graduate study was how this country deals with mental illness. When a fellow student was sent to a mental institute due to “nervous depression,” Dr. Somé went to visit him.

“I was so shocked. That was the first time I was brought face to face with what is done here to people exhibiting the same symptoms I’ve seen in my village.” What struck Dr. Somé was that the attention given to such symptoms was based on pathology, on the idea that the condition is something that needs to stop. This was in complete opposition to the way his culture views such a situation. As he looked around the stark ward at the patients, some in straitjackets, some zoned out on medications, others screaming, he observed to himself, “So this is how the healers who are attempting to be born are treated in this culture. What a loss! What a loss that a person who is finally being aligned with a power from the other world is just being wasted.”

Another way to say this, which may make more sense to the Western mind, is that we in the West are not trained in how to deal or even taught to acknowledge the existence of psychic phenomena, the spiritual world. In fact, psychic abilities are denigrated. When energies from the spiritual world emerge in a Western psyche, that individual is completely unequipped to integrate them or even recognize what is happening. The result can be terrifying. Without the proper context for and assistance in dealing with the breakthrough from another level of reality, for all practical purposes, the person is insane. Heavy dosing with anti-psychotic drugs compounds the problem and prevents the integration that could lead to soul development and growth in the individual who has received these energies.

On the mental ward, Dr Somé saw a lot of “beings” hanging around the patients, “entities” that are invisible to most people but that shamans and psychics are able to see. “They were causing the crisis in these people,” he says. It appeared to him that these beings were trying to get the medications and their effects out of the bodies of the people the beings were trying to merge with, and were increasing the patients’ pain in the process. “The beings were acting almost like some kind of excavator in the energy field of people. They were really fierce about that. The people they were doing that to were just screaming and yelling,” he said. He couldn’t stay in that environment and had to leave.

In the Dagara tradition, the community helps the person reconcile the energies of both worlds–”the world of the spirit that he or she is merged with, and the village and community.” That person is able then to serve as a bridge between the worlds and help the living with information and healing they need. Thus, the spiritual crisis ends with the birth of another healer. “The other world’s relationship with our world is one of sponsorship,” Dr. Somé explains. “More often than not, the knowledge and skills that arise from this kind of merger are a knowledge or a skill that is provided directly from the other world.”

The beings who were increasing the pain of the inmates on the mental hospital ward were actually attempting to merge with the inmates in order to get messages through to this world. The people they had chosen to merge with were getting no assistance in learning how to be a bridge between the worlds and the beings’ attempts to merge were thwarted. The result was the sustaining of the initial disorder of energy and the aborting of the birth of a healer.

“The Western culture has consistently ignored the birth of the healer,” states Dr. Somé. “Consequently, there will be a tendency from the other world to keep trying as many people as possible in an attempt to get somebody’s attention. They have to try harder.” The spirits are drawn to people whose senses have not been anesthetized. “The sensitivity is pretty much read as an invitation to come in,” he notes.

Those who develop so-called mental disorders are those who are sensitive, which is viewed in Western culture as oversensitivity. Indigenous cultures don’t see it that way and, as a result, sensitive people don’t experience themselves as overly sensitive. In the West, “it is the overload of the culture they’re in that is just wrecking them,” observes Dr. Somé. The frenetic pace, the bombardment of the senses, and the violent energy that characterize Western culture can overwhelm sensitive people.

Schizophrenia and Foreign Energy

With schizophrenia, there is a special “receptivity to a flow of images and information, which cannot be controlled,” stated Dr. Somé. “When this kind of rush occurs at a time that is not personally chosen, and particularly when it comes with images that are scary and contradictory, the person goes into a frenzy.”

What is required in this situation is first to separate the person’s energy from the extraneous foreign energies, by using shamanic practice (what is known as a “sweep”) to clear the latter out of the individual’s aura. With the clearing of their energy field, the person no longer picks up a flood of information and so no longer has a reason to be scared and disturbed, explains Dr. Somé.

Then it is possible to help the person align with the energy of the spirit being attempting to come through from the other world and give birth to the healer. The blockage of that emergence is what creates problems. “The energy of the healer is a high-voltage energy,” he observes. “When it is blocked, it just burns up the person. It’s like a short-circuit. Fuses are blowing. This is why it can be really scary, and I understand why this culture prefers to confine these people. Here they are yelling and screaming, and they’re put into a straitjacket. That’s a sad image.” Again, the shamanic approach is to work on aligning the energies so there is no blockage, “fuses” aren’t blowing, and the person can become the healer they are meant to be.

It needs to be noted at this point, however, that not all of the spirit beings that enter a person’s energetic field are there for the purposes of promoting healing. There are negative energies as well, which are undesirable presences in the aura. In those cases, the shamanic approach is to remove them from the aura, rather than work to align the discordant energies

Alex: Crazy in the USA, Healer in Africa

To test his belief that the shamanic view of mental illness holds true in the Western world as well as in indigenous cultures, Dr. Somé took a mental patient back to Africa with him, to his village. “I was prompted by my own curiosity to find out whether there’s truth in the universality that mental illness could be connected with an alignment with a being from another world,” says Dr. Somé.

Alex was an 18-year-old American who had suffered a psychotic break when he was 14. He had hallucinations, was suicidal, and went through cycles of dangerously severe depression. He was in a mental hospital and had been given a lot of drugs, but nothing was helping. “The parents had done everything–unsuccessfully,” says Dr. Somé. “They didn’t know what else to do.”

With their permission, Dr. Somé took their son to Africa. “After eight months there, Alex had become quite normal, Dr. Somé reports. He was even able to participate with healers in the business of healing; sitting with them all day long and helping them, assisting them in what they were doing with their clients . . . . He spent about four years in my village.” Alex stayed by choice, not because he needed more healing. He felt, “much safer in the village than in America.”

To bring his energy and that of the being from the spiritual realm into alignment, Alex went through a shamanic ritual designed for that purpose, although it was slightly different from the one used with the Dagara people. “He wasn’t born in the village, so something else applied. But the result was similar, even though the ritual was not literally the same,” explains Dr. Somé. The fact that aligning the energy worked to heal Alex demonstrated to Dr. Somé that the connection between other beings and mental illness is indeed universal.

After the ritual, Alex began to share the messages that the spirit being had for this world. Unfortunately, the people he was talking to didn’t speak English (Dr. Somé was away at that point). The whole experience led, however, to Alex’s going to college to study psychology. He returned to the United States after four years because “he discovered that all the things that he needed to do had been done, and he could then move on with his life.”

The last that Dr. Somé heard was that Alex was in graduate school in psychology at Harvard. No one had thought he would ever be able to complete undergraduate studies, much less get an advanced degree.

Dr. Somé sums up what Alex’s mental illness was all about: “He was reaching out. It was an emergency call. His job and his purpose was to be a healer. He said no one was paying attention to that.”

After seeing how well the shamanic approach worked for Alex, Dr. Somé concluded that spirit beings are just as much an issue in the West as in his community in Africa. “Yet the question still remains, the answer to this problem must be found here, instead of having to go all the way overseas to seek the answer. There has to be a way in which a little bit of attention beyond the pathology of this whole experience leads to the possibility of coming up with the proper ritual to help people.

Longing for Spiritual Connection

A common thread that Dr. Somé has noticed in “mental” disorders in the West is “a very ancient ancestral energy that has been placed in stasis, that finally is coming out in the person.” His job then is to trace it back, to go back in time to discover what that spirit is. In most cases, the spirit is connected to nature, especially with mountains or big rivers, he says.

In the case of mountains, as an example to explain the phenomenon, “it’s a spirit of the mountain that is walking side by side with the person and, as a result, creating a time-space distortion that is affecting the person caught in it.” What is needed is a merger or alignment of the two energies, “so the person and the mountain spirit become one.” Again, the shaman conducts a specific ritual to bring about this alignment.

Dr. Somé believes that he encounters this situation so often in the United States because “most of the fabric of this country is made up of the energy of the machine, and the result of that is the disconnection and the severing of the past. You can run from the past, but you can’t hide from it.” The ancestral spirit of the natural world comes visiting. “It’s not so much what the spirit wants as it is what the person wants,” he says. “The spirit sees in us a call for something grand, something that will make life meaningful, and so the spirit is responding to that.”

That call, which we don’t even know we are making, reflects “a strong longing for a profound connection, a connection that transcends materialism and possession of things and moves into a tangible cosmic dimension. Most of this longing is unconscious, but for spirits, conscious or unconscious doesn’t make any difference.” They respond to either.

As part of the ritual to merge the mountain and human energy, those who are receiving the “mountain energy” are sent to a mountain area of their choice, where they pick up a stone that calls to them. They bring that stone back for the rest of the ritual and then keep it as a companion; some even carry it around with them. “The presence of the stone does a lot in tuning the perceptive ability of the person,” notes Dr. Somé. “They receive all kinds of information that they can make use of, so it’s like they get some tangible guidance from the other world as to how to live their life.”

When it is the “river energy,” those being called go to the river and, after speaking to the river spirit, find a water stone to bring back for the same kind of ritual as with the mountain spirit.

“People think something extraordinary must be done in an extraordinary situation like this,” he says. That’s not usually the case. Sometimes it is as simple as carrying a stone.

A Sacred Ritual Approach to Mental Illness

One of the gifts a shaman can bring to the Western world is to help people rediscover ritual, which is so sadly lacking. “The abandonment of ritual can be devastating. From the spiritual view, ritual is inevitable and necessary if one is to live,” Dr. Somé writes in Ritual: Power, Healing, and Community. “To say that ritual is needed in the industrialized world is an understatement. We have seen in my own people that it is probably impossible to live a sane life without it.”

Dr. Somé did not feel that the rituals from his traditional village could simply be transferred to the West, so over his years of shamanic work here, he has designed rituals that meet the very different needs of this culture. Although the rituals change according to the individual or the group involved, he finds that there is a need for certain rituals in general.

One of these involves helping people discover that their distress is coming from the fact that they are “called by beings from the other world to cooperate with them in doing healing work.” Ritual allows them to move out of the distress and accept that calling.

Another ritual need relates to initiation. In indigenous cultures all over the world, young people are initiated into adulthood when they reach a certain age. The lack of such initiation in the West is part of the crisis that people are in here, says Dr. Somé. He urges communities to bring together “the creative juices of people who have had this kind of experience, in an attempt to come up with some kind of an alternative ritual that would at least begin to put a dent in this kind of crisis.”

Another ritual that repeatedly speaks to the needs of those coming to him for help entails making a bonfire, and then putting into the bonfire “items that are symbolic of issues carried inside the individuals . . . It might be the issues of anger and frustration against an ancestor who has left a legacy of murder and enslavement or anything, things that the descendant has to live with,” he explains. “If these are approached as things that are blocking the human imagination, the person’s life purpose, and even the person’s view of life as something that can improve, then it makes sense to begin thinking in terms of how to turn that blockage into a roadway that can lead to something more creative and more fulfilling.”

The example of issues with an ancestors touches on rituals designed by Dr. Somé that address a serious dysfunction in Western society and in the process “trigger enlightenment” in participants. These are ancestral rituals, and the dysfunction they are aimed at is the mass turning-of-the-back on ancestors. Some of the spirits trying to come through, as described earlier, may be “ancestors who want to merge with a descendant in an attempt to heal what they weren’t able to do while in their physical body.”

“Unless the relationship between the living and the dead is in balance, chaos ensues,” he says. “The Dagara believe that, if such an imbalance exists, it is the duty of the living to heal their ancestors. If these ancestors are not healed, their sick energy will haunt the souls and psyches of those who are responsible for helping them.” The rituals focus on healing the relationship with our ancestors, both specific issues of an individual ancestor and the larger cultural issues contained in our past. Dr. Somé has seen extraordinary healing occur at these rituals.

Taking a sacred ritual approach to mental illness rather than regarding the person as a pathological case gives the person affected–and indeed the community at large–the opportunity to begin looking at it from that vantage point too, which leads to “a whole plethora of opportunities and ritual initiative that can be very, very beneficial to everyone present,” states. Dr. Somé.

Excerpted from:  The Natural Medicine Guide to Schizophrenia, or The Natural Medicine Guide to Bi-polar Disorder, pages 178-189, Stephanie Marohn (featuring Malidoma Patrice Somé).


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Video: Native People and Star Nations

star people video“In the summer of 1996, Native American tribal leaders and researchers from all over the world met for five days near a Yankton Sioux reservation.

“It was revealed in a dream that now was the time for the tribes to break their silence and share their hidden knowledge of the Star People.”

https://youtu.be/bqj4-DE1EIQ

rock creek houseWhen I first moved to my current small town, I’d just come out of 6 1/2 years of living as a quasi-hermit, experiencing almost daily events that matched the accounts of others who call them “shamanic” and/or “alien.”

I’d moved to the desert to be a hermit, intending to spend the remainder of my life in mystic endeavors.  I’d had NO INTENTION to have anything to do with aliens, and the word shaman wasn’t in my vocabulary.

Over the years, though, I came to realize that mysticism and shamanism share the same intentions, so when a friend used to word to explain some highly-unusual things happening to me, I privately accepted the term and all the baggage I personally felt attached to it – but privately.

ayahuasca_visions_pabloamaringo

“Ayahuasca Visions” by Pablo Amaringo

I also kept private, for most of my hermit years, the events that seemed “alien” in nature, even when others told me they saw UFOs, and even when I became aware of indigenous people around the world experiencing them – the Western cultural cartoons and ridiculing taboos had such a negative effect on me.

When my poorly-managed poverty lifestyle caught up with me and I was forced to sell my land, I received enough cash to move to the small town of Silver City, New Mexico, buy a house, and treat myself to a trip to the next UFO conference that might have something to do with spirituality, and I found it.  Afterwards, I was inspired to end my silence and share what I knew.

rf-2nd-ed-front-cover-20For a few years, I did just that, and published my memoir, but I was subtly harassed at my presentations and decided to quit “for awhile.”  It’s now been years that I’ve kept my communications on this subject strictly on the web, never in my social life or anything public in town.  And even in my websites I’ve been coy and not told the whole truth of what I know.

It’s very hard to take a stand against a hostile public worldview – even though I’ve spent a lot of my life confronting wrong social attitudes, such as environmental irresponsibility, social injustice, etc.  This topic has a greater resistance than those; while they can be discussed publicly, “aliens” cannot, even in most alternative media.

So I’ve been resisting doing the work.  I’ve let myself be side-tracked by all sorts of things:  my house and studio renovations, my garden improvements, singing folk music, and promoting my partner’s music, but I’ve been getting messages from my Helpers that they’re impatient with me (in a nice way, of course), and it’s time to get back to my work, to quit shirking, to quit freaking out over these events I think of as mysterious “attacks,” because perhaps they aren’t attacks at all, but simply marks left from extra-dimensional experiences for which I have no memory, but not necessarily negative, and certainly not useful to think of in terms of “attacks.”

Unknown-2The greatest understanding of this came when I read the Introduction to Black Elk Speaks, in which he described ignoring his calling and having “demons” attack him relentlessly.  I suddenly realized that that felt like exactly what I’ve been going through.

And now another year or two has gone by in which I’ve been stalling.

I don’t know more than this, but I’m intending to be open to guidance on what to do next, to be more available, and more active, to tell more truth, to be open again publicly (yikes), and be of service to others who need someone who’s also been there.

So wish me well as I pick up this work again.  Not sure which direction I’ll go, but I’m offering myself again to be of service.

 


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Calendar for Self-Discovery, Self-Care and Healing

images-1Twenty-one years ago, I decided it would be healthier for me to let go of my hard-driving calendar – the one that helped make me a high-achieving “SuperMom,” according to a major daily Tucson newspaper.  I’d suddenly become not super at all, but disabled, in crisis, unable to cope with the world.

rock creek houseQuitting my intense use of my calendar – as well as moving to the country – helped me be more intuitive, take more time for relaxing, watch more stars, clouds and birds, and let my mind drift into new ways of thinking.

That was fine 21 years ago, but I probably didn’t need to stick to that idea so tightly all these decades!  (Though I occasionally used my calendar intensely when a job demanded it.)

Finally, after 21 years of frustration, of not getting as much done as I’ve thought I should, I decided to create a schedule for myself – not just of work I had to do and errands to run, but of things that are truly important to me.  And I’m astounded at my sense of accomplishment!

I’ve begun sleeping better now that I know that I will go to my bed by 9 pm, and give myself an hour to read or write in my journal or meditate, drinking camomile tea.  I sleep from 10 til almost 6, then give myself another hour to either lie in bed and think about my dreams, or journal, or read more.  At 7, I get up and walk a mile (20 minutes), then sit in the garden with turmeric tea, enjoying the company of the plant life, until 8.  (All these times can sometimes be off by an hour, but that’s okay too.)

The main part of each day of the week, I’ve chosen to take a different focus.  Monday is for time in Nature, either out in the wild or in my own garden; Tuesdays I get to “work” with arts and crafts – which I sell; Wednesdays I sew, also to sell; Thursdays I write my blogs and articles for publication; Fridays I take care of other business like bill-paying and managing my online sites where I sell things; Saturdays are social; Sundays are for reflection.

I encourage you, if you hate your calendar, to try out something like this:  Don’t just include the expectations the world has of you, but the expectations you have for yourself!

On another site last year, I wrote about calendars as part of our cultural mind control.  This is an important practice to reclaim our time, our lives.

Happy healing.  Many blessings.


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Multidimensional Wounding AND Healing

by http://artoftu.deviantart.comI have to confess I’ve been downplaying part of my story.

I’ve been neglecting to share (or minimize sharing) the fact that my strange experiences – that often seem related to mind control and sometimes to “alien” weirdness – are sometimes accompanied by events that seem to be spiritual healings.

This is HUGE.  And I want to explain – if only to myself – why I’ve minimized this fact.

I’ve been hesitant to claim them publicly because, in the context of mind control, it’s confusing to me, because mind control, as I understand it, is done by humans for dark purposes, while healings seem spiritual and positive – and they often seem to be related.

The healings, outside this context, always felt like they might be construed by others as “spiritual bragging,” i.e., I’m so special or so spiritually in tune that spiritual beings granted me this miracle – even when I hadn’t asked!

Uncertain how to overcome these hurdles in my head, I waited, thinking I’d eventually understand, and now years have gone by, and I apologize for minimizing this aspect of my story.

Here are some of the experiences (many described in my book RattleSnake Fire, published in 2008):

energy linesUsually in the evenings, and usually while alone, but not always, I sometimes get a sudden and powerful sensation of energy that seems to pour into me from my head or neck and flow, over the course of maybe 10-30 seconds, down throughout my body.  The sensations feel wonderful, and I’ve described them in various ways – sometimes as healing or clearing, sometimes filling me up and making me feel my cells are enlarging, to such an extent that it seems my vertebrae are spreading apart, lengthening my spine, so that I need to adjust my body to “allow room” for a bigger, taller me!

hulkSometimes I’ve called the energy “the Hulk routine,” because it’s so powerful.  (Remember the Hulk got his power in order to whoop bad guys.)  Indeed, the power has often been so great that I could not resist moving with it, bending forward to make room for the energy flow down my back, my arm and leg muscles also moving with the force.  When someone else was around, if they knew what I was going through, I’d often sheepishly, jokingly indicate what was happening near the end of the process (maybe 30 seconds long) by miming a muscle-man pose – because I couldn’t speak while this was happening.

Sometimes I’ve been frightened by it, as when a friend suggested it might be “a possession.”

Other times, these have been so clearly healing.  Once, while visiting some friends and feeling weirdly energetically distressed, I went alone into the dining room, sat down, and first felt a procession of teenager selves lift off of me and up into another dimension; after looking down and seeing the energetic form of my legs which seemed to be hollow from the knees down, suddenly golden energy poured through me like a golden cascade flowing down into my feet and legs.  I was fascinated because a decade earlier a Rolfer had told me he could see no aura beneath my knees and had begun his work there and continued to work all year to bring energy into them and never told me he succeeded.  I theorized that I must have lost that grounding during the trauma of my teen years, and now the trauma had been finally released (odd place and time, but I accepted!) and the space filled.

These inpourings of energy have been so frequent that I couldn’t begin to count them without going through at least twelve years of journals.

by http://artoftu.deviantart.comAfter my most recent, probably third, heart attack last month, I had two such healing events.  One happened, incongruously – proving that this comes from an outside source, not my own doing or imagination – while watching a video with a friend.  Of course, I was surprised at the timing, but grateful, and didn’t even mention it to my friend.  That night, while lying in bed, drifting off to sleep, I was awakened by the healing energies again.  They were “the usual”:  wonderful, expansive, clearing, and healing.  The next day, after 12 days of extreme weakness, I woke feeling very well, and my 12-day long crisis was passed.

The meaning of this?  I think I know, but don’t want to say.

You, Readers, formulate your own theories.  Don’t get stuck as I have been too long, thinking the horrors are only horrors.  There could be something else at work.

I’ll talk about this more later.

Blessings on you and on us all.


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Paul Levy’s new book: Awakened by Darkness: When Evil Becomes Your Father

I just wrote this comment on Paul Levy’s newest post:

Excerpt from Paul Levy’s New Book – Awakened by Darkness: When Evil Becomes Your Father:

Hi Paul, Thank you for writing your story!  I look forward to reading it and will link to this excerpt on my own site (paradigmsalon.net).  I’m especially happy to see your words “Awakened by Darkness,” as awakening is becoming the value I finally see (after 22 years since I began to suspect my history) that I can take from my own experience with Evil.  I also feel a new book brewing inside, and your writing always inspires me.  All the Best ~  Jean

(Paul is also the author of Dispelling Wetiko:  Breaking the Curse of Evil, which has a Foreword by Catherine Austin Fitts.)

Here is the first paragraph of the Introduction to his new book:

To cut to the chase and get right to the point, I have had an intimate direct encounter with unmediated, unadulterated archetypal evil that has radically reconfigured both my psyche and my life forever. I am not talking about the personal shadow stuff that we all unconsciously act out in our lives every day, nor am I talking about the relative level of evil that we can easily imagine; I am talking about absolute evil, the dark side of God, the stuff which in-forms and gives shape to mythologies the world over from time immemorial. My saying this is not some sort of literary device or marketing strategy to grab the reader’s attention; on the contrary, it is nothing less than finding the right words to name my experience. The great doctor of the soul C. G. Jung writes that “it is quite within the bounds of possibility for a man to recognize the relative evil of his nature, but it is a rare and shattering experience for him to gaze into the face of absolute evil.” I encountered this face of absolute evil in the form of my very own father and I have been shattered by the experience.

And here’s the link to his site:  http://www.awakeninthedream.com/wordpress/excerpt-awakened-by-darkness-introduction-paul-levy/

I hope this is help for those of you with similar experiences.


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Cherry Tree as Healer

cherry in leafSometimes I feel resistance inside me against going out into my garden.  Some part of me sometimes feels afraid to open my heart – even to trees and other plants.

When I recognize that dynamic, I make myself “get over it,” and just go.  It happened last night.

I stood outside my back door, in the near-dark, feeling the sometimes dread, resisting the open heartedness, and wondering Why, what does this mean?

Walking past the cherry tree, with which I’d had an interesting experience earlier this summer, I turned back to it and remembered how I’d leaned in and put my face against a cluster of leaves, and I did it again.

An impatient voice in my head asked how long we’d stand like this, and another voice tried to override my impatience by asking a question so we could get whatever answer was there, then go back inside; and the rest of me felt bad for my impatient chatter.

Then I sensed the cherry tree coach me to just be still, just be there, just experience.  And I was surprised because it sounded like the coaching I’d recently given a friend about sex!  No goal, no expectations, just be.

I was embarrassed and surprised (though I should hardly be surprised at myself by now) to witness my inner conflict, my inner immaturity, my distrust for what I already know and have experienced so profoundly so many times.  But then again – I’m multiple.  It should be no surprise.

And it’s good to be reminded of my multiplicity.

I took a deep breath, my face still against the cluster of cherry leaves – and was astounded at the powerful aroma coming off them and into my being as I breathed.  The odor wasn’t sweet or cherry-like, but something related to cherries, earthy, deep, and so powerful, I wasn’t sure I could breathe more that the two draughts I’d already inhaled, so I stopped.

And then I – didn’t quite hear – but somehow understood that now was the time for me to realize (again) the depth of the hurt, grief, and fear I’ve been holding for so long.  And with that, I felt the roots of it in me, and realized that the pool of pain was huge, and I asked, “How can I let this go?”

I don’t know how the tree answered, but my brain interpreted:  Into the Earth.

cherry leavesI’ve lain on the Earth to release grieving before, but this was nighttime, it was cooling, and dark, and I was certain that if I really felt all that was inside me, I’d be triggered to cry more loudly that I wanted to in this neighborhood.  So I thanked the tree for the renewed awareness and walked back inside to cry on my bed.

By the time I got ready to sleep, fed the cat, and all, the deep roots of pain had covered themselves over again, were not so accessible, but I thanked my Helpers for the knowledge of what still needs to be done and asked for help during sleep to prepare  me for release.

I can’t say that I felt anything else profound during the night or woke with any astounding ah-ha’s, but I still feel that something important happened.  Some part of me is aware again and open to new awareness and release, and I believe it’ll come in its time – and I’ll keep open to it.  Gently.