Remember that old saying, “Gotta feel to heal”?
I felt so much yesterday, I could barely see. It hurt to walk. I wanted to die.
Today I feel better and understand quite a few things.
I had just extracted numbers from my journal of the last 6 months and was not surprised to see the huge number of days indicating I was truly exhausted around half the time, talking about ending my life five times, with bruises and marks left on my body, and even more details I’d forgotten about (many of which I wrote about in my last blog).
So I wasn’t surprised to feel terrible on Saturday. I thought it was a natural response to reading my own journal!
Maybe it was Satanic rituals, as a commenter of my MK site suggested (I don’t feel like looking up old research on that to know for sure), but whatever – them or me – it had a good result: I see some important things.
First, I realize I need to not let 6 months of stuff go by without dealing with it! Sheesh! What was I thinking?
I think I know: Trying to stay positive, focused on the light (ignoring the dark), and staying more easily “functional” in this crazy, numbing world.
Yeah, but that’s not very smart, as I’ve coached others before: Survival requires we be aware of our environment!
(We teach what we need to learn, right? So here I am.)
Second, to accomplish that, I plan to take one day each week to summarize the previous seven days (I can handle that!), to recognize what are the energies swirling around in my life. Have I ignored some lie (as Pamela Meyer challenges us not to do in the video I linked to in this blog)? Where is my strength? Where are creative juices flowing? What do I need?
I’ll make it Sunday, since the culture makes that day more available. It’s quiet.
Of course, there’s a daily aspect too, but it’s also important to go retrospective now and then for a longer view.
Third – well, I don’t need to share everything, but I’ll be making a new space for myself. Power is flowing again.
I hope and pray Power and Love are flowing in you also today ~