I recently began practicing meditation again, hoping to be successful and dedicated for the first time.
Of course, maybe I’ve always been meditating, and I’m just stuck on some rigid idea of what it is.
In any case, I began again sitting with a series of meditation recordings a few days ago.
I didn’t in particular like any of them. But one of them grabbed my attention the next day – the one about relaxing every part of your body.
I used to do that in high school, when I studied dream interpretation, and wrote my senior research paper on dreams.
(It seems I was so relaxed than. But of course, I had few responsibilities other than schoolwork, which I loved. I enjoyed quiet privacy in my room for hours every afternoon. I practiced drawing and studied whatever caught my attention. I danced many hours a week. Nice memory.)
The other evening, instead of relaxing, my body, I paid attention to each part. They each felt nicely in the middle.) I felt skin tension, musculature, bones, blood flow, imagining lymph flow – and moving on to the next part of me.
I loved every toe. And the exercise felt so informative. Not boring at all.
Then my brain began generating essays that felt like a gift from my spiritual helpers, and off we went….
I did wonder whether I should reject those gifts in favor of the meditation practice, but I decided this is simply meditation in process.
As an experienceer, writer, documentarian, and activist, I recognize this is one form of Buddhist meditation I happened to read about recently: to be aware in whatever is your daily life.
My most recent teacher said to not get hung up on any particular expectation, because sometimes our helpers want something else for us. I agree.
Garden Healing Church 